Anonymous: Jesus, died from shock (massive blood loss) & stress (carrying the cross). Or Longinus killed him (reference to Constantine).
darkstan: ^It was my understanding that Jesus got frustrated and miracled an AC-130 into existence, which he used to smite the Romans mightily. His own death came when an experimental plasma rifle he was testing misfired, sending a 12-centimeter ceramic shard right through his abdominal artery.
Anonymous: And some think he's coming back? Now that would be a fucking miracle!!!